Top 10 Couples Therapy Book Recommendations

There are so many books out there for couples needing help with their relationship, so how do you help couples find the book that is right for them? One of my favourite exercises is to put together an amazon/Indigo booklist of a wide range of books related to couples/marriage therapy and ask the couple to each go through it and pick the top two books they find most salient to the situation they find themselves in and these four books become their reading list. I ask the couple to buy two copies of the first book and to read it chapter by chapter and to have a discussion at the end of each chapter. I encourage keeping a journal that is just for the reading of these books and the discussions at the end of the chapters. The following are a few of the best known couples therapy books to start you off. Please feel free to look over the Recommended couples therapy book list that I created on Amazon. I use this list as the basis of a personalized list that I create for each couple that I give this exercise to. The book descriptions below were taken from www.twoofus.org. Take care, Andrew Sofin, CACFT President

1. Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson - In this book for couples, Canadian attachment therapy pioneer, and CAMFT member, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson promotes and teaches couples how to re-establish a safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond, a critical feature of EFT. She focuses on key moments in a relationship—from “Recognizing the Demon Dialogue” to “Revisiting a Rocky Moment”—and uses them as touch points for “seven healing conversations." This highly acclaimed resource teaches couples how to nurture their relationships through case studies, advice and practical exercises.
2. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman - This resource for couples is based on the idea that partners’ challenges often come about because they speak different “love languages, or choose distinct ways to express love that can be misunderstood and lead to significant relationship difficulties." Chapman describes “quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch” as the five basic love languages and guides couples towards a better understanding of their unique languages of love. This book promises to teach couples to speak and understand each other’s love language, to express and feel love, and learn skillful communication.
3. Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michele Weiner-Davis - In this foundational self-help book Michele Weiner-Davis offers down-to-earth, effective advice to couples who are working together and to individuals attempting unilaterally to save a troubled marriage. Weiner-Davis has a uniquely optimistic, pragmatic and accessible way of addressing couple interactions that invites couples to shift their relationship in a positive direction, step-by-step, without necessitating drawn out explorations of hurts and unresolved issues from the past.
4. Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - Divided into three sections, this book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood needs in a positive manner. This book features a 10-week "course” in relationship therapy, and provides exercises for couples to change their interactional patterns. This book is praised for offering valuable information, interesting case studies and helpful exercises.
5. Rekindling Desire: A Step-by-Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages by Barry McCarthy & Emily McCarthy - This resource is a comprehensive, thoughtful, un-gimmicky guide and roadmap to the many, low and no sex couples who are seeking to change their relationship. The discussions and cases included in this book have depth, and readers struggling with the problem of a low sex relationship will find themselves reflected in its pages. A major strength of this book is the inclusion of concrete suggestions to couples for rethinking, reframing, and constructively talking to each other about this important, joint problem. This book also challenges long-held myths that can sabotage a couple’s chance to reconnect sexually.
6. Getting Past the Affair: A Program to Help You Cope, Heal, and Move On -- Together or Apart by Donald Baucom & Kirstina Coop Gordon - Discovering that a partner has been unfaithful can be devastating for an individual and a relationship. Whether couples want to end the relationship or piece things back together, Getting Past the Affair offers guidance through the initial trauma so that couples can understand what happened and why before deciding how to move forward. This compassionate book offers support and sound advice from a team of award-winning couple therapists and includes realistic tips for rebuilding relationships and restoring trust.
7. Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg - This book is focussed on divorce prevention through encouraging couples to adopt good listening and communication skills and developing ways to manage conflict effectively. The book offers hope to couples stuck in unhelpful ways of communicating and illuminates patterns of interactions that are predictive of divorce and how to address these, as well as advice about how to avoid problematic communication and successfully deal with conflict.
8. Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive In Committed Relationships by David Schnarch - This pioneering book explores the ways couples can keep passion alive and reach high levels of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. Acclaimed psychologist David Schnarch guides couples toward greater intimacy with techniques developed in his clinical practice and worldwide workshops. This resource offers tools for increasing connectedness and for keeping sexual sparks alive and offers techniques for overcoming sexual and emotional problems. This book has helped many couples invigorate their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives.
9. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan SilverIn Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman and Silver shatter - common myths about divorce and share what is important to have a happy marriage, information based on Gottman’s years of research. This book provides helpful information, danger signs to look for and address in couple relationships and offers an important wake up call to couples wanting sound and tested advice as well as guidelines for communication and behaviour.
10. The Good Divorce: Keeping Your Family Together When Your Marriage Comes Apart by Constance Ahrons - In this groundbreaking book, internationally acclaimed family therapist Constance Ahrons defines “the good divorce” and shows how couples can achieve one. This book challenges the notion that divorce inevitably turns adults into bitter enemies, results in damaged children and broken homes. Dr. Ahrons focuses on what divorcing couples can learn from those families that maintain family bonds and continue to meet the needs of their children. This is a hopeful, practical book that is neither pro-divorce nor anti-marriage that underscores the need for society, professionals and families to: remove the stigma of divorce, redefine the divorced family as “binuclear”, help parents and children to establish new roles, rules and rituals to support the new family structure, and learn parenting strategies that facilitate rather than hinder healthy development.

CACFT Member Research

My World Is Not Your World:
Sit And Listen And We Can Learn Together

Research Article Written By: Janet M. Derrick (2021) Journal Of Intercultural Studies

"She:kon Skennen I come in peace. Are you at peace? In the academic/professional world I am a psychologist and family therapist, and I have a practice in Canada that acknowledges two worldviews – Indigenous and Western/European. I am of mixed heritage: Irish, English and Kanien’keh:ka/Mohawk, that is, European and Indigenous." Please click here to read the article.

CACFT Member Books for the Public

Armitage, Susan, RMFT
Over the Walls of Anger, Into Each Other's Arms
What if anger in your relationship is actually a desire for deeper connection? In fact, this is often the case. It's quite a paradox that a desire for closeness stirs anger that pushes you further apart! Attachment theory explains this natural effect.

Baobaid, Mohammed and Ashbourne, Lynda Routledge (2016)
Enhancing Culturally Integrative Family Safety Response in Muslim Communities
This informative new volume presents the Culturally Integrative Family Safety Response (CIFSR) model that is currently being used by the Muslim Resource Centre for Social Support and Integration (MRCSSI) in London, Ontario. Created to support immigrant and newcomer families from collectivist backgrounds struggling with issues related to pre-migration trauma, family violence, and child protection concerns, the CIFSR model focuses on early risk identification and intervention, preserving safety, and appropriate conflict responses.

Collett, Don, RMFT, (2019)
Universal Spirit The Seasons of the Christian Year in the Company of Northrop Frye
To a church that increasingly addresses itself to biblically illiterate people, to people who may have little or no church experience, and to those who simply call themselves spiritual-but-not-religious, Don Collett’s look at the Christian year inspired by the work of the great Canadian scholar Northrop Frye offers a priceless gift.

Elliott, Corrie Associate Member, RP, MMFT
Ellie's Emotional Adventure
Ellie’s Emotional Adventure is a story about a girl who goes on a big adventure to learn all about emotions. Ellie goes through different situations and scenarios to help explore and understand emotions and emotional responses.

Elliott, Corrie Associate Member, RP, MMFT
Ellie's Emotional Adventure with Fear
In Ellie’s Emotional Adventure with fear, Ellie goes on a big adventure to learn about and understand fear and feeling afraid. Ellie supports children in understanding how fear can increase with upsetting experiences, and acknowledging fear is valid even if there no active threat.

Fox, Jacqui, MMFT, RMFT
Ecotherapy, Workbook: Resourcing in Nature: Cultivating Sacred Space Within & Around Intended to accompany Ecotherapy Therapy Sessions, this workbook also acts a stand-alone guide for therapists, clients and anyone open to experience both introspection and nature as a companion. Thoughtfully prepared by a therapist and nature-lover.

Fox, Jacqui, MMFT, RMFT
Nature Scavenger Hunts
Naturally, a series of scavenger hunts to connect you with nature, your senses, and sense of gratitude. (Reading age 6 - 8 years)

Fox, Jacqui, MMFT, RMFT
Resourcing: A Pictorial Brainstorm for Adults & Kiddos
Welcome to the colourful collage of pages brimming with emotional regulation ideas to connect to self and nature. A therapist-curated brainstorm of soothing and coping practices for adults, adults longing to connect to their inner child through play and wonder, as well as kids of all ages.

Gordon, Maria, Ph.D, Editor (2015) IGI Global
Challenges Surrounding the Education of Children with Chronic Diseases
Challenges Surrounding the Education of Children with Chronic Diseases explores the needs that children with certain conditions—such as diabetes, cancer, juvenile idiopathic arthritis, and inflammatory bowel disease—might have in the classroom.

Hunter Murray, Sarah, RMFT, (2019)
Not Always in the Mood: The New Science of Men, Sex, and Relationships
If there is one thing we know about men and sex it is that men are always in the mood. Any time, any place. Right?
Wrong.
Men’s sexual desire has long been depicted as high, simple, and unwavering.

Klassen Carolyn, O.T. Reg (MB), MAMFT (2019)
Nice to a Fault, Redefining Kindness in Marriage
A compassionate read for women who have unconsciously adopted traditional female roles of silence and submissiveness in the effort to be accomodating and understanding of their male partners in a manner that develops resentment and erodes at marital foundation. The author says: "Although it is written for women, I find that men often pick it up to better understand their wife’s perspective when she has asked him to read it."

Klassen Carolyn, O.T. Reg (MB), MAMFT (2019)
Thinking Therapy - No to Maybe
For many, seeing a therapist is so intimidating, they dismiss the idea without ever exploring their hesitations. Talking to a counselor might seem like a good idea, but you’ve decided against it before you even think it through—this book is for you. Written with compassion, a therapist explores the reasons clients choose to attend therapy as well as reasons why counseling is not necessary.

Kussin, Annette, MSW, RSW., RMFT Guernica Editions (2020)
It's Attachment: A New Way of Understanding yourself and Your Relationships
How do we make sense of our relationships successes and failures, preferences and challenges, past and present. And after we make sense of them what do we do to increase the successes that we are striving to attain. In "It’s Attachment" Annette Kussin offers us a comprehensive overview of this dominant theory of human development and relationships in a way that gives us both understanding and practical ideas for constructive changes.

Kussin, Annette, MSW, RSW, RMFT
Secure Parent, Secure Child: How a Parent's Secure Adult Attachment Shapes The Attachment of the Child
The book will help a parent determine his or her Adult Attachment, understand the challenges for parenting based on their particular attachment and then offer guidelines on how to change parenting patterns, again based on the category of attachment of the parent.

Redigonda, Silva, MA, RMFT
For Love of Country: Military Policewoman
As the first Canadian military policewoman to be stationed in Europe and the Middle East, Silva faced many obstacles in a male dominated profession. This book chronicles her twenty year career in the service. Packed with danger, humour, and excitement, it will enlighten and amuse all readers.

Virro, Kristina, Associate Member
The Anxious Teen
With rates of anxiety hitting catastrophic numbers among today's youth, the question begs to be asked: why are teens so darn anxious in the first place? And what can we do to help? A guide for parents, teachers, and mentors.

Virro, Kristina, Associate Member
Your Mental Health Detox
A mental health detox involves abstaining from participating in unhealthy habits as a way of helping your mind and spirit feel rejuvenated, decluttered, and grounded. This is a downloadable workbook.

Welstead, Suzanne, RMFT (2009)
Searching For You: Ideas About Healthy Relationships
Have you ever wondered what makes relationships work? In her first book, Suzanne Welstead reviews the key components of healthy relationships and how they help to build satisfying and rewarding relationships.

Young Kolbuc, Sandra, RMFT
Gross Misconduct: Hitting from Behind
A Mother's love Story. Gross Misconduct - Hitting from Behind, chronicles a mother's journey from utter devastation to finding a measure of peace and purpose, meaning and mastery in the days, months and years following the death of her children.

CACFT Member Books for Professionals

Caplan, T (2010)
The Needs ABC Therapeutic Model for Couples and Families: A Guide for Practitioners
Shows readers how to successfully tailor a therapeutic approach to meet the needs of couples and families. Beginning clinicians will come away from this book with concrete, practical skills and expanded theoretical base for their practice.

Caplan, T (2008)
Needs-ABC: A Needs Acquisition and Behavior Change Model for Group Work and Other Psychotherapies
This book describes the NEEDS-ABC Model, developed by the author, and shows the model in use in group, family, couple and individual therapies.

Dos Santos, Anna, RMFT-S
Navigating Through Trauma: Processing Your Emotional Wounding the Genesis Way
Trauma is knitted into the fabric of our human existence. Navigating Through Trauma: Processing Your Emotional Wounding the Genesis Way, published by Westbow Publishing House, is meant for therapists, counsellors and pastoral therapists who work with Christians who have suffered trauma. In the book, psychotherapy, theology and phenomenological art therapy are interfaced, assisting readers to gain understanding about the neuroscience and biblical principles behind trauma. An additional workbook and Group Facilitators Guide: How Shall We Then Heal, are also available on Amazon.

Klassen, Carolyn, O.T. Reg. (MB) MAMFT (2019)
Is there still time to run? A Message from your therapist before your first session
This book is specifically for therapists to place in their waiting rooms for clients anxiously awaiting their appointment. With beautiful pictures and a few words, it is an “adult quiet book” that normalizes apprehension about therapy, explains the process, and highlights the value of therapeutic alliance. Our clients have often read it prior to therapy to better prepare them for what the session will be like (and give them something to do while they wait those minutes before their session).

MacFarlane, Malcolm, RMFT-S
Family Therapy and Mental Health: Innovations in Theory and Practice
This book explores the application of family therapy approaches to the treatment of a variety of mental health problems. A variety of treatment modalities are used with patients and their families to address these problems, including family psychoeducational approaches, the McMaster Model, cognitive behavioral family therapy, brief therapy, and systemic and narrative approaches.

MacFarlane, Malcolm, RMFT-S
Family Treatment of Personality Disorders: Advances in Clinical Practice
Family Treatment of Personality Disorders: Advances in Clinical Practice examines the application of marital and family therapy approaches to the treatment of a wide range of personality disorders.

Neufeld, Viola, RMFT
Grateful for the Fight: using inner conflict to transform yourself and your relationships
Grateful for the Fight goes beyond resolving conflict to using conflict to transform lives. Neufeld cautions that the urgency in today’s society to resolve conflict might be a sophisticated way of bypassing the true value of conflict. If we let it, conflict can be our ally—an unusual window into the self. By investigating our fears and releasing them, we stand to make a true and lasting change that will improve our daily lives and every one of our relationships.

Rovers, M., Malette, J., & Guirguis-Younger, M. (2018)
Touch in the Helping Professions Research, Practice and Ethics
Touch may well be one of the least understood or talked about subjects in the helping professions. A discussion on the importance and ethics of positive, caring, and appropriate touch in professions such as teaching, nursing and counselling is long overdue.

St. George, S., & Wulff, D. (Eds) (2016)
Family therapy as socially transformative practice: Practical strategies
Offers practical suggestions for infusing social justice into daily family therapy practice. Encourages family therapists to attend to social justice issues in less traditional ways. Identifies successful teaching and supervision approaches.

Thiessen, Evangeline Willms MAMFT, RMFT-SM (2023)
Clinical Supervision Training Handbook - Becoming a Reflective Systemic Supervisor
Many experienced mental health professionals (counsellors, family therapists, social workers and psychologists) are expected to provide clinical supervision without any formal preparation. It is now widely recognized that clinical experience alone is no longer adequate for ethical supervision practice.

Tomm, K., St. George, S., Wulff, D., & Strong, T. (Eds.). (2014)
Patterns in interpersonal interactions: Inviting relational understandings for therapeutic change.
In this book we present a comprehensive view of a systemic approach to working with families, initiated by Karl Tomm more than two decades ago at the Calgary Family Therapy Centre in Canada. The contributors of this edited book articulate the IPscope framework as it was originally designed and its evolution over time.

Towers, Michael, MA, RMFT-S (2023)
Non-Pathologizing Approach to Counselling
Non-Pathologizing Approach to Counselling Workbook
The writer has constructed this textbook to equip psychotherapists who wish to sit with their clients in non-pathologizing ways. The writer’s hope is that our profession will recognize that continuing to do this work from the framework of the medical model (pathology) is not helpful or healing for our clients.

Welstead, Suzanne, M.T.S., RMFT (2009)
Searching For You: Ideas About Healthy Relationships
Have you ever wondered what makes relationships work? In her first book, Suzanne Welstead reviews the key components of healthy relationships and how they help to build satisfying and rewarding relationships. Rather than focusing solely on intimate relationships, it is essential to examine all the relationships in one's life.